Please note that the memories and artwork contained herein are copyrighted 1999, 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008

First Memory

In this modern 20th Century lifetime, I was once told at a Renaissance Faire that I could not come into church with my sword. I remember being very angry and insulted. I did not understand why I should feel this way since the request sounded reasonable, but inside it felt very wrong. I usually follow my heart and disreguarded this so called request (yes, I can be a pig headed arrogant jerk.).  Then this memory came to light and according to what I understand in this memory, I had a right to feel very insulted and hurt.

I am standing in a stone church. The stone is light grey brown in color. The walls and floor are stone. I am unsure to what material was used to construct the high ceiling. It was not as high as the "white" church ( St. Michaels?) is in Munchen. I think there are wooden beams. The ceiling seems like it is two or three stories high and was built during the medieval time period. I am standing in the middle area where the seats are lined up. The seats are wooden.  My back is to some kind of doorway. I am facing the wall that has five? tall stained glass windows. To my right is the alter and the front door is to my far left. There is a dark section and then it lightens up where the doorway is.

I see the priests walk to and fro in the church. They tend to their business. They wear simple brown robes. One priest wears a simple white robe with a gold cross embroidered on the front. This memory came to me while listening to a song that had Gregorian chants in it. I have a feeling that I would often hear the priests pray and sing. I believe there is another building attached or associated with the church. I suppose the other building could be where the priest sleep and eat. I may live there also.

As for myself, I was a knight. I wore a chain mail coif with an arming cap underneath it and a bishops mantel (another piece of armor). I am unsure what I wore underneath. I may have been wearing a shirt of mail, but I hate chain mail. It is so heavy and cumbersome. I think I was wearing what is called a coatehardie in a natural creme color of fabric with a chain mail shirt, leather gloves/gauntlets hung at my belt. I wore leather boots. The coatehardie is kinda like a mans long dress like garment. It went down to about an inch or so below my knees. Most important of all was my tabbard, which was all white except for a red dragon. No other color or strip was on my tabbard. It was pure white. A fine but sturdy linen. The coatehardie fabric reminds me of a heavy raw silk. I can't wear wool.

I have tried to sketch the dragon, but I cannot draw the legs properly and I keep thinking that the arms are missing, but I don't know where they were placed. I think the legs should be sorta long and almost in the same position as the double headed eagle for the Habsburgs or perhaps like the Prussian eagle. I was an Imperial Knight. The time is somewhere close to 1042. We were one of the oldest knight Orders and I am to meet with the founder of the Maltese Order known as the knights of St. John of Jerusalem. They invited us to join with them. 

Strangely enough, I have a memory of the visit of this founder of the new knight order. We were outside and it is daytime.  It is completely damp and misty out. Like a fog that has pulled back enough to be able to see at least 100 yards. The grass and trees are so green. It's beautiful yet it is a bit damp and cold. There are three of us there; myself, and two of them. One of them has dark hair and a neatly trimmed beard. That is Brother Gerard Helveig, who was from the area now known as Switzerland. I cannot focus on the other man as well, but I think he looked younger. Like a teenager.  I believe he is a servant or some kind of apprentice. The area where we are standing is near a large grove of trees and the ground slopes down and away from the trees and a building up the hill. I think that may be part of the complex that makes up the church. At times I suspect that the church may have also had a monastery attached to it or nearby it. (It did.)

My duty was strictly to the church. I was there to protect the priests and the church. If needed I would also protect the worshippers, but my duty was to the church and priests. I don't think I had a wife or children, and I doubt that I even had a girlfriend. I take that back. There is a vague impression of a woman that I loved or had strong feeling for. I have my doubts as to whether we were ever married. She may have been promised to another or already married. I don't think that I had any interest in any other woman except her, so my life was void of female companionship.

I always wore my sword. I slept with it, prayed with it, and carried it everywhere I went and kept an eye out for trouble. I think the church was somewhere in western and northern Europe. I get the impression that the day that I remember was a day when there was a damp mist outside.

Second Memory

I am on my knees. I am kneeling at an alter in a very small private room. The wall is whitish stone. The room is mostly dark except for the flickering light from the candles. There is a cross on the alter or on the wall. This memory always stays focused on the candles and feeling of the room being quite and peaceful.

Third Recalled Memory

Married the noble woman whom I was in love with. She had refused to marry anyone else even though she was the oldest daughter of a lesser noble. She and I had three children. The youngest son took my place as the protector of the monastery and church. There is a flash of the this woman dressed in black and white. She wore a white veil.

The Imperial knights were run by a triumvirate and the structure was much like that of the Grey's work system. In the Triumvirate was an oldest, a middle, and a youngest member. This would insure that leadership would always be trained. I was the youngest of the Triumvirate. When Gerard Helwieg came to speak with me about the group that he was putting together. I am unsure how I came to marry the woman I loved. Perhaps I had to reach a certain required age or petition for marriage.  Strangely enough, I want to say that I had to petition for marriage to the same woman every year for five years before they would allow me to marry before the age of thirty. Since I had wanted to marry the noble woman, but I did not wish to break my vows.  I was not the only knight of my Order who wished to marry before the required age. 

The Imperial Order was about to make a change. At the time we were a mix of Christians and Pagans.  Most of the Pagans originally came from the Roman religion and then mostly from the Celts of Europe. The Imperial Order was well over a thousand year old and had come from the another Order of Knights called the Followers of Solomon. The oldest member of the Triumvirate was a Pagan. He agreed to work with the new Christian Knight Order despite his religious beliefs. I believe he lived for another ten years and upon his deathbed converted to Christianity. I believe this was due to the fact that he liked the Christian warriors who proved themselves to be honorable. The oldest member of the Triumvirate was referred to as the Grand Master.

Private Jamie's Memories from this time period: i don't think i was another knight - I feel i was a boy or a very young priest or someone training to be a priest - Or even a young teenager who became a knight later because of ones i remembered in that town/ village in that childhood...

It might not be something you'd remember as it was less important to you than to me at the time but do you have any recall of a young lad who asked you rather a lot of questions about your weapon, life as a knight, why you chose to do that etc? I remember strongly talking to a knight of those things in the church one day - and admiring his sheild! The knight was (in hindsight) very patient with all my inquiries and i asked him some more questions another day but someone stopped me half way through saying the Knight must be busy and i mustn't bother him any more - even though he didn't seem to mind too much..

He was fairly tallish for the time and, when he too his head wear off, i'm pretty sure i was surprised to see that he had very fair hair as mine was dark or gingery brown and most peoples' i knew were brown. He told me he came from a more northern area of my country.

Fourth Memory recalled in reaction to the above one: We were inside the church. Towards the doorway near where the pews started to line up in the back. Sunlight is pouring in from the tall windows partially stained glass. It seems to be afternoon about 3:00 pm. The child is about nine, and he has blonde hair. It is a priest or monk that stops the child.

5th Memory: I do have a vague recollection of what it looked like around the monastery and church grounds. Let me think....  I always recall grass on the ground, heavy mist or fog when during cold conditions, there were not many trees around, but the few that were there were the kind with leaves like oaks. Not pines trees. The ground was not flat but did a lot of rolling, but I don't recall any steep slopes or jagged cliffs. The ground was covered with grass. The castle fortress structure that my beloved lived in was of stone and approximately two three stories tall. It was not very far from the monastery strangely enough. There were gardens all around the monastery and church. The monks or priests grew vegetables, herbs, grapes, and everything that was needed. They may have had a few cows and chickens too. They cared for these animals and crops themselves.

Private Jamie's Reaction to above Memory: in that your image of the place confirms mine - Lots of green thick grass, heavy dew and mist! I can't picture the castle very well though i can 'feel' it but i can see the monastry. As a young boy, i helped feed the cows and was quite fascinated by the chickens - I used to chase them a little:- not enough to be cruel or really frighten them, but just enough to make them move!

I wonder if i was orphaned or if my Mother worked doing cooking for the monastry as i seemed to spend a lot of time there until the age of about six or eight..I don't know what happened to me after that. The ordinary folk around had a great respect for the monastry residents etc but were quite wary of them for some reason that won't quite leak out of my cob-webby brain cell...Had they had a different order or group there previously who'd treated them a bit badly or were greedy? It was definitely the green and the mist that struck me.

Another Private Jamie Memory: I just had another little bit of memory about that place the monastry and castle were at.

When i was about eighteen, something bad happened - some force invaded the place. i can see what i suppose is the village or castle wall with men on horses coming over a low section. Its dusk time and people are running from them, knocking over baskets of apples and other food (was there a sort of market place?). The men on the horses are raising swords and threatening to slash or stab any man who gets in the way. they injure a good number of ladies too. I was just about to buy something, (one of the apples, i think) and immediately i reach to my side for my dagger/sword but its not there. (I'm just old enough to begin to wear a bit of chain mail and a tabard and have done quite a bit of training with the knights). I grab a long knife from the hut or whatever by the collapsed stall and run at a knight on a horse. He charges towards me, slashes down with a very heavy curved sword and, basically splits my skull. I fall to the ground and, well, die ...

The men seem to have had white symbols with red but they weren't dragons like yours and the weapons looked somehow more barbaric/crueler, but i don't know who they were.

My reaction: The market place that is described above was north of the church and monastic grounds and was down the hill.

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