MORPHINE!!

Everything is black. When did I wake?  Everythings black. I dont remember being asleep or waking up. I cant remember anything. Whats happening? Someones pulling my cap from my head. Get Off!! What are they doing? Why cant I see? I hear a quickly suppressed gasp and recall that Ive been shot. Theres a wound in my head. I try to order this information into some kind of sense.

Its bad wound cos I can sense the nurse (I know its a nurse because it sounded female and is quite gentle uncovering my head) is shocked and at this stage of the war, unless shes new, she will have seen some pretty disgusting stuff. Not right f lasses I can almost here Andy say. Where is Andy? I feel a deep longing to call for him. My mind drifts to other times. He must be here; he always looks after me. Then it comes back. Im in France.in the so-called Great War and Andy..Andy is no longer there Im on my own. I start to feel a slight panic rising and the urge to cryIm surprised: I never panic! Thats one of my good qualities; even the sarge says so Not Turnbull, not.

Why are they taking off my cap? Why cant I see? Is there something over my eyes, or am I wounded in those too? I go to ask, but another nurseI realise shes at the right side of the bed, opposite the other nurse. She feels senior to the first. I instinctively dislike her Ssshes me like Im three years old. I keep quiet and listen, try to work out by sound what the pair are doing. Their mutters and umms dont bode well.

To hell with it, Im going to see whats wrong with my eyes.

 I lift me hands to find bandages or a cloth covering them and find its dark khaki when I life it. I hardly get it an inch from my face when the senior nurse slaps my hands away and puts it back. Frustrated and alarmed by the fact tat there must be something they dont want me to see, I try again. This time the other nurse tries to gently hold my hands down and comfort me she sounds sweet. Any other time, Id be overjoyed at what I visualised as a pretty young lady holding my paws but not just now. What wasnt I being told? She eventually leaves go, thinking her words have worked their magic; the other nurse turns from me to what I guess to be a trolley of instruments or something similar. I take the chance to have another go. She turns just before I can manage itmy left hand seems a bit slow---and slams my arm down onto the sheet and holds it firmly by the wrist. What she doesnt realise is that I managed to move the bandage just enough to see a tiny amount out of the bottom. With a quick, almost soundless word, she gestures the sweet nurse across. She is nice too, I notice as she bends low, but she still takes over holding my wrist and captures the other too. I begin to struggle. She glances to the older nurse who shakes her head and says something about it being a pity to happen to these young lads yet has a its got to be done _expression on her facerather like when Stepfather killed an injured deer because it was best thin for it.OH. MY.GOD.

The dawning truth makes me pull back my arms strongly and the poor girl is nearly dragged up the bed. Senior nurse vigorously drags them back, scowling. I see the huge syringe in her hand. Sometimes, just sometimes, I wish I didnt have to be right....My mind starts to scream inside me. I must get away, must stop her. Im only eighteen!! Dont let her do it! Dont....She shoves up the sleeve of my tunic. Well give him something to help with all that pain.

Bloody liar! Something to keep him quiet more like I cant get away! I start to squirm and the younger nurse looks distressed. Hold Him Still she with the syringe commands, all the more determined. The thick needle pierces the inside of my elbow. I feel sick with the vain attempt to stop them and start yelling mentally and in reality. Its morphine, I know and Ive seen what morphine can do; its useful quality as an instrument to despatch patients who conditions are considered too serious to portend more than a fifty % chance of recovery. Especially in an area where there is a shortage of beds. The bastards a Doctor! got rid of a digger like that when I was in with my arm. I feel the liquid start to flow into my blood stream a terrifyingly warm, fuzzy feeling already seeps to my brain. NO! They cant! I yell again but I dont know who can hear me. Im only eighteen, whole life to liveI could get better..Im only YOUNG! Bastards! I get angrier as the words become harder to form and put sound to. I swear, plead but still the morphine is allowed to flow in. Andy.? Wheres Andy?!... MA! Ma, Help!.....Im ONLY eighteen!!

Am I really yelling or is it just my mind trying to stave off the drug? I keep going anyway, scared to stop . Something like a sob jerks from me Ma. Im only a boy!!.. Dont want to die. Not like this Too young

I struggle again, determined to get home to Ma, to stop these people injecting me. I struggle. Everything is black. Colours whirl and lead my further into the darkness of my mind. Everythings black.