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Please note that the memories and artwork contained herein are copyrighted 1999, 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011 |
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The Daughter of the Head Housekeeper I am lying asleep in my bed. Then I suddenly realize that it is morning and there is another person in the bed with me. The realization of the situation floods me and here is what I recall. The girl lying in bed with me is one of the house servants. I am about 14 years old. She and I slept together a couple of times before anyone discovered what was going on. She did not get pregnant but she was sent away. I felt really bad about this because the girl who is about the same age as myself is the youngest daughter of head female servant who is this wonderful jolly lady that is kinda like a nanny and grandmother wrapped up into one person. She was the main cook as well. Most of her children are off on their own and married and this was the last child that she had around. Thinking about this makes me very really sad. I really screwed up. I just was not thinking at all. When my parents discovered what was going on they had to make arrangements for the girl to work in another household nearby because they were worried that she and I would not be able to stop being together and that feelings would get too involved. She and I could never have that kind of relationship because I was of a much higher station than she was. I find myself feeling more upset about hurting the older woman than upsetting the girl. She didn't seem to be too attached to me nor I to her, but I was extremely fond of her mother and was sick to my heart about making her upset and missing her daughter. I think the whole house was upset with me for about a month or so. Perhaps this is the reason why Johann got so mad at me in the first memory I recall in the library room.
Remembered more later Now I know why Johann was angry with me, I think. I keep getting flashes of flirting with this serving girl off and on in various locations of the house. Sometimes it was more sexual than other times. I believe she was about a year older than me. And after a certain amount of minor encounters with her, we finally decided to have a little private encounter in my bedroom one night. I recall coming into my room at night and the moon must have been full because there is light in my room without any lights on. She is standing at the window looking out. I walk up to her knowing that she was supposed to meet me there. This is more of a lustful youthful curiosity encounter and not one of romantic love. She proceeds to undress me and we end up having sex several times that night. It was during one of our sexual endeavours that she says to me, "Siegfried, your better than Johann." Which just kinda hits me like a rock. Yes, it's good that I am better than Johann, but it's bad that I am having sex with the same girl that my brother is having sex with. This leaves me with very mixed emotions. And when it came out that she and I were having sex, I don't think I said anything to anyone about her having sex with Johann, unless I mentioned it to Johann. I don't know, but knowing that Johann was a prideful snot makes me believe that this could have easily offended his sense of pride and caused him to hate me. I had no idea that anything had ever occurred between her and him. I don't think I even thought that Johann had sex! He was so into himself. |
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