Please note that the memories and artwork contained herein are copyrighted 1999, 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008

Carl Ludwig von Bothmer memory – Punished by accident memory

It is a normal morning. We have visitors, so everyone is requested to dress nice. I am standing in a downstairs hallway. I am minding my own business doing nothing wrong when my three friends approach me looking suspicious. One of them has his hands strangely behind his back like he is hiding something. I have learned to be wary of them. I want them to leave me alone so I say good morning and try and walk past them to the front door area.

I was not fortunate enough to get past them. This time I can't imagine what I have done and why they are tying me up! They tie my ankles and my wrists behind my back and then finally to stop me from swearing at them, they take a yellow silk scarf and tie it behind my head with the scarf in my mouth so I can't talk. Then they carry me upstairs like luggage. I struggle a bit and they just work on containing me. Or course, I can't go anywhere with they way I am tied.

They bring me into the room where the harpsichord is located. The sun is pouring brightly through the open curtained windows. My adopted father is there with a gentlemen, who is a stranger to me. The man asks my adopted father if I am his son and my adopted father replies yes. I am standing there quiet and somewhat frightened. What is going on? The room feels stiff to me. I have never seen my adopted father look so serious. He is sitting facing the windows and the pale visitor is sitting with his back to the windows and the sunlight. Why am I being brought into the room like this? Who is this visitor I wonder.

Then my adopted father says something to the effect, "As per our discussion I will handle the discipline as we discussed. You will be a witness so that it meets with your satisfaction, and he will be available for viewing later as per our discussion. You will also agree to sign the documents agreeing not to speak of this matter anymore." The man replies, " As long as the punishment is suitable. What about the payment?"

My adopted father says, "Payment will happen upon the viewing of the child and proof of fatherhood. And if the child is to be determined as a legitimate result of my son, then the child shall be put strictly and fully in our care. Your daughter will have no claim or right to the child. And you will be free of the burden of any costs of raising such a child."

At this point I am wondering 'what the fuck are they talking about!!' What child?!?! Who is the mother?!?! AM I being blamed? I don't know this man.

It is agreed upon says the other man. And my father requests that I be brought forth for the punishment. I stiffen up and try and ask what is happening and what did I do to deserve being punished. He seems to ignore the obvious noises that I am making. The stranger makes a comment, "You're not such a big man now, are you, boy."  The three knights lay me across my adopted father's lap and have pulled down my breeches. I have never been spanked by my adopted father. This is awful. What have I done to deserve this I wonder. I spent the next 30 minutes laying across his lap like a child getting my butt swatted. And when it was finally done I was in tears and the stranger wanted to make sure that my ass was suitably red for his satisfaction.

Then I was removed from my adopted father's lap by the three knights and carried out like a sack of potatoes over one of their shoulders. They took me outside into one of the hedge gardens. The sun was shining brightly and my eyes flinch from the brightness. I wonder what the hell they are going to do to me next. I am miserable. I almost don't care at the moment. I can hear the crunching of the knights' boots walking on the gravel pathways. They then lay me across a saddle horse. Not an actual horse but a wooden structure that we stored the saddles on. I feel so out of it. The blood has been rushing to my head and now I am put into a bent over position again. My hands and ankles are still tied and I still have the scarf across my mouth. What did I do to deserve this? I keep asking myself this. I feel like my heart is breaking. My adopted father must hate me to beat me like this and to leave me out in the garden like this. And who was the man that he was talking to in the conservatory room?

I don't know how long I was like that, but my ears suddenly caught the sound of footsteps crunching upon the light grey gravel. The footsteps were coming towards me. There was more than one person. I could not see who they were but I started to hear their voices. One was the stranger that was speaking with my adopted father. He was speaking with a young woman. His tone was harsh and she spoke softly and submissively. Finally they stopped walking and were only a few feet away. I tried to strain my neck to see them. I could not. I heard the man say, "Here is what happened to your lover. If you were not pregnant I would have done the same to you. You can say your good-byes to this bastard creating monster. I would have beat him myself and really taught him what it meant to mess with my family."  The man paused as if he was contemplating hitting me. I could hear them moving around on the gravel. Then the man abruptly left and told her to say her good-byes and look at the consequences of her actions.

I listened to him walk away. I heard no sound from her. I struggled a bit and tried to look around. Then I heard her footsteps come closer. Then I could turn my head and see her. She was about 18 years old, wearing a powder blue dress that showed she was about 5 months pregnant, her hair was jet black, her skin a lovely creamy white. She was attractive, but I had never talked with her ever before. I wasn't even certain I had ever seen her before. I tired to ask her why she told them that I did that to her, but the scarf in my mouth kept me from talking. She reached down and pulled the scarf out of my mouth. She had an almost coolness to her expression. I asked her who she was and why she told them I was the father of her child.

She replied evenly without emotion that she didn't want her baby's father to get hurt. I asked her what about me getting hurt when I had nothing to do with the situation. She replied coldly that it was not her problem and that I would survive the experience while her lover would have been killed. She turned and started to walk away from me. I called a few rude names. She turned around and glared at me. She walked back towards me and I thought to myself, I should have kept my mouth shut. She came up to me looked around and then bent down and put the scarf back into my mouth and sneered at me. She walked away without looking back.

I was so pissed. I had to get out of this mess.  Then suddenly I heard footsteps upon the gravel right beside me near the hedge. Someone had been standing there the whole time. They ran off. I wanted them to untie me and let me go. I needed to find that person and get them to tell my adopted father what they heard. I struggled hard and managed to wrench one hand free of the silk fabric that was used to tie me up. I got up stiff and sore. I was dizzy at first and nearly feel over forgetting that my ankles had been tied. I carefully pulled my breeches back up over my sore ass and then reached down to remove the silk fabric around my ankles. I looked around to see if I could see the person who had been on the other side of the hedge.

I looked around with no luck. No one would believe me. They would think I was an awful liar and the pretty girl that I loved to play music with would hate me along with her father. My life was ruined by that rotten dark haired bitch and her father. I decided to go back into the house without anyone seeing me, get my coat, and riding boots. I was leaving. I had no idea where I would go, but I was leaving. Once I had reached my room, I found a small pouch where I had saved some coins and put the pouch in my boot. My mind is racing as to where to go and what I should do. My mind was still racing as I went down into the kitchen area and managed to walk off with a loaf of bread, some fruit, cheese, and a wine flask in a leather pouch. I was ready to get away. Once I got to the barn, I saddled my horse and realized that I would need some kind of blanket if it got cold, so I rolled up a saddle blanket and tied it to the saddle. I think I left with the idea that I would stay in some peaceful woods not far from the estate until my mind cleared of the events that had occurred. One thing the three knights had taught me was to evaluate a situation and clear my mind, so I wanted some time alone.

Sleeping in the Forest memory

It is night time. I am camped out in the woods in a small clearing. I have a modest fire to keep animals away and give me a little warmth. I am sitting with my back to a tree and my horse is tied to that tree. It is fall and there are many leaves on the forest floor. It was a clear night out, but a mist is forming and closing the view of the sky from me. I have the horse blanket wrapped close around me and a dagger is close on my body. I didn't take a sword. I don't think I had been given one, so I didn't think it was appropriate to take one.

The horse that I have with me a large brownish black mare that I got along with exceptionally well. I liked her and she liked me. She was the kind of horse that would go get help or try and get you if you fell off. I felt a little guilty about taking her away from her warm barn, but she was good company. That night I slept near her and left the small fire slowly dim. I ate part of the bread and cheese that I took with me and gave her a portion of an apple that I had.

It was cold and misty. It was a weird night filled with strange dreams. I had meditated earlier to calm myself and ask for some kind of guidance in my actions. I felt so hurt. I was also in pain from the punishment that I got and it didn't feel too great riding the horse in that condition. I did not ride too far, but found a secluded place to be. Looking back at this memory, the fact that I was trying to follow the meditation that the three knights taught me probably allowed them to be able to find me. I could have gone in any direction that would have led me to warm cozy taverns filled with beer and girls. But I didn't want any of that. I just wanted to be left alone. I know at one point during the night I had awful nightmares. And my mare she woke me up by gentle rubbing her nose at me. I was grateful for that.

I think the Forest Scuffle memory comes some time after this one.